Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
