she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
