I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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