My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
