A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
