We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
