Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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