Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
