stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
