Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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