You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
