im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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