i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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