Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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