nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
