I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
