If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
