guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
