I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
