Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
