I heard we made out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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