my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I party with great urgency now.
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