You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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