I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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