Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
