I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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