I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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