We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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