if i can run in heels then i can drive
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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