You really coming over, don't trick.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
