im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
