Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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