can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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