I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
