So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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