How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
