Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
