If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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