Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
