Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
