8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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