Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
