Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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