so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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