Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
