i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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