no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
