I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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