why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is my gift to your gina
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
