Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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