I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
