Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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