He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is the high leading the old right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
