I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
