well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
