i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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