She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
