Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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