He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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