and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
