doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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