i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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