I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
