My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
