After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
