YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
