Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize