This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
