Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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