i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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