yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
