he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
