I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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