i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
