Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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