I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
