Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
