if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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