Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
