2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
