see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
