i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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