I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
