The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
