So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
