I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
