Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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